A New Year

If I'm honest - it's difficult to reflect on 2012.  It was such a big year.  One filled with so much change that it's hard to even remember January 6th, 2012, just one year ago.  Last January, we were being told that we had to complete extra steps to become approved to adopt.  My heart was broken and impatient about that.  We were celebrating one year in our new home.  And we continued to ache for a little baby to fill our arms, while trusting that God would provide.

Our approval came in February.  And waiting came in March.  Our anniversary came in May, and little did we know that it was the last that we'd spend as a family of two!  Our hearts were still impatient to meet the baby that God had chosen to be ours.  We started summer (the best time of year here), and then that moment came in July.

July 16th (Monday) - I had just called our caseworker to see if there was any news about our certification and if there was anything else we should be doing.  She left me a voicemail saying no updates, just be patient.  30 minutes later, my phone rang and it was a number I didn't recognize.  (for months, any number I didn't recognize made my heart leap - NOT awesome during an election year)  I answered and it was a pregnancy worker from our agency.  I asked if this was a phone call I needed to take notes on, and she said yes.  I almost fainted at my desk.  I went into a private room, and took down all the details about Nora and her birthmom, and their situation (she was due August 22nd).  Ben had been at the dentist when I got the call, so I had to wait for him to call me back to share the news.  He drove to my office and we sat in his car, crying and praying.  This was 3:00, people.  I worked until 5!  I was going CRAZY at my desk.

July 17th - we called the caseworker back and said YES!  We wanted to move forward with the match.

July 23rd (Monday) - we got a call that Nora's birthmom would be induced the following Monday.  ONE WEEK away.  Just two weeks from the first phone call.

July 30th (Monday) - we met Nora's birthmom and her mom at the hospital and spent several hours getting to know them.

July 31st - Nora was born at 10:31 PM, and we got to meet her about 20 minutes later.  The most incredible moments of my life.  Purely indescribable.  As much as I've already forgotten about Nora's early months - I will NEVER forget this night.

August 3rd (Friday) - We brought Nora home, not knowing if she'd forever be in our family or not (see post here).  She became ours 2 weeks later and life will never be the same!

Since then, life has been a whirlwind of motherhood and discovering all that it means.  I've already forgotten so much about her early months.  It's difficult to remember what my days looked like when she was 2 months, 3 months old.  I've gone back to work, and even though I get to spend MOST of my time with my daughter - it's very different.

Nora's 5 months old now.  She weighs 15 pounds!  She's about to start solid foods.  She's rolling over.  She is the same little girl from 7/31, and at the same time she's not.

2013 will be a very different year in our house and I can't wait for every minute of it!

Motherhood

I have been having a hard time composing this post because it's so difficult to describe all the things I've felt since becoming a mother!!!  It's absolutely the whirlwind everyone describes, compounded by the fact that we had two weeks to prepare for our little one's arrival, instead of the normal 9 months.

Every moment does fly by.  There is more truth in this statement that I ever could have imagined.  I recently looked back at some of Nora's brand new pictures - and cannot hardly remember her being THAT tiny and frail.

Nora, at just 5 days old

I tear up, actually, to think that this stage of her life feels so far away.  That the days of her resting on my chest, with no wiggles or anywhere to go, are long gone...  That the days of her snoozing on me, with me, also appear to be over.  That her preemie and newborn clothes are packed away, and her 0-3 months will be soon as well.  I do not, however, miss feeding her every two hours in the middle of the night.  Let's be clear on that :).

I tear up when I think about how much she's developed.  That she now has a personality, smiling and talking all the time, especially with mom and dad.  That she gives me a great big smile every time she sees it's me getting her up in the morning or after naptimes.  That she's a happy little girl who loves to wiggle and move and not so much snuggle anymore.

Little Miss up on her arms during tummy time for the first time!

Today, Nora rolled over for the first time (from her tummy to her back)!!!!!!!!  It was such an incredible moment, to watch her do this amazing thing that her tiny little body just learned how to do.  That God designed her to grow in ways that will allow her to reach all these milestones.  It was also terrifying, to know that she is now moving.  Like, REALLY moving.  So not only does this mean that my infant is becoming a little girl (way hard on Mommy right now), but it also means that we're entering a new stage with her and are now parents who have to closely watch her!  

Motherhood is a whirlwind.  TRUTH.  There is SO MUCH JOY in watching your child grow that I can't even begin to express in words.  I think, too, alongside everything else, there is something more, as there always will be in the world of adoption.  I feared for so long that there would be moments that my child wouldn't feel 100% like my child, having not carried her for 9 months, not nursing her, knowing her in the incredibly intimate way most mothers will know their children.  And though there have been fleeting moments like that along the way...Nora is my daughter.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt, she knows me as Mommy and I love her more than I ever imagined.  Sometimes I wonder if loving a biological child is the same - and I suppose I may never know that.  But I love Nora and there is no disconnect between her and me.  It's just not there.

There's so much more I want to say about motherhood, but since I've gone on long enough already...stay tuned.  :)

Mommy and Nora