National Adoption Month

So - November is National Adoption Month!  I've loved it because I am hearing about adoption all over the place - I feel like Focus on the Family's broadcasts have been adoption focused every time I turn on the radio.  Specifically, today is National Adoption Day.  Our agency was probably pretty darn busy, as many families wait until National Adoption Day to finalize their adoptions in court (this usually takes around 6 months after consents are signed, so many simply wait for this special day).  It's a really big deal in Maricopa county - the courthouse area is a literal fair with bounce houses, food, and all kinds of stuff for adoptive families to come and enjoy while they celebrate.

It's interesting to be right smack in the middle of our certification process during this month.  It's a paradigm because this month is huge for celebration - yet, we are in the midst of what I *hope* is the hardest thing we ever do after infertility (yes, I, too, am sure I just jinxed it).  It's hard to explain this process.  I think one of the easiest cliches is that we constantly feel like "we're under the microscope."  We know that God is honoring the deepest desire of our hearts for parenthood through adoption - and we are truly beyond excited that He's guiding us through this journey.  But you have to understand that so many people just get to be parents - even unintentionally in lots of cases.  For us to be parents, we've gone through the valley of incredible pain.  We've been fingerprinted.  Exposed.  Investigated.  We have had the most intimate, vulnerable aspects of our life brought to light.  Our insecurities uncovered and delved into.  We know it is worth it.  And we know God is in control.  But our human moments get the best of us sometimes.  And we feel defensive, and even discouraged sometimes.  And the journey's hardly started!

We have what might be our last visit this Monday in Phoenix, for our infertility grief assessment.  They may choose for us to take their newer personality test, and if that's the case we'll have another appointment sometime to go over the results from that.  We take each step in faith and with confidence that God's got us!!!  We always assumed we would be certified and waiting before the year ended - but we're learning early that (yes, again and as always) our plans are not God's plans!

In the meantime, we covet your prayers for peace and patience - and for our excitement and trust to overwhelm anything else that comes up.  We know that there's so much more unknown to come - we need the Lord to help us through it!!

Happy National Adoption Month - hopefully, and prayerfully, our last one without children!!!

Adoption Education

Okay...so I promised a while back that I would write about some of the things we've learned SO FAR through our adoption journey - adoption language, open adoption, adoption not being plan "B", the fact that adoption does NOT replace the pain of infertility, etc.

So, first up - positive adoption language (see a great summary article here).

Here's a few words/phrases that I never realized were hurtful or inaccurate until I started really learning about adoption:

1. "real parents" - our child will have birth parents (or, biological parents), but we will be their real parents, the ones making everyday parenting decisions, providing for him/her, the ones raising him/her (we're not imaginary, as opposed to "real")
2. "giving up a child for adoption" - our agency uses the word "placement".  The birthparents in our special situation will choose to place their child - an extremely painful, courageous choice.  
3. "she's going to keep it" - if, in the end, God leads a birth mother/parents to have a change of heart, she is choosing to parent, instead of choosing to place.

I hope this helps!  These terms have already become a completely natural part of our vocabulary, and I hope they will for you, too.

Today is the Day

So - our pastor has been teaching us through the story of Elijah in 1Kings and 2 Kings.  There's so much about his story that I identify with.  Elijah never imagined (or so I would think) that he would go head to head with Ahab, or toe to toe with 850 false prophets.  But God clearly used him, had a plan, and knew exactly what he was taking Elijah to and through.  I never thought we would be infertile.  I never, EVER, imagined we would be adopting.  But God has us here.  Right??  We have to rest in that truth.  We have to.

Today, we also sang "Today is the Day" by Lincoln Brewster (you can listen here.)  Oh my.  The words in bold just touch my heart and bring me to my knees.  We recently had our 2nd adoption visit, and it wasn't the smoothest feeling appointment in the world.  We have some lingering feelings of discouragement, but again HAVE to know that God is in this with us, that he has us here for a reason, and he gives us each day as a gift.

I'm casting my cares aside

I'm leaving my past behind

I'm setting my heart and mind on You 

Jesus

I'm reaching my hand to Yours

Believing theres so much more 

Knowing that all You have in store for me is good

Is good

Today is the day You have made

I will rejoice and be glad in it

Today is the day You have made

I will rejoice and be glad in it

And I won't worry about tomorrow

I'm trusting in what You say

Today is the day

I putting my fears aside

I'm leaving my doubts behind

I'm giving my hopes and dreams to You

Jesus

I'm reaching my hand to Yours

Believing there's so much more 

Knowing that all You have in store for me is good

Is good

Finally, we recently did a 25 mile hike in 48 hours to Havasupai and back in the Grand Canyon, with our two best friends.  It's an incredible place, the photo below is just a tiny slice of this heavenly place that sits right in the middle of the desert.

Progress...

It's official!  We're on our way toward becoming parents!  We have completed one visit so far, and the next is scheduled for 10/28!!  Here's what we have to accomplish before being certified:
1.  Visit in nearby small town (2 appointments - each individual interview) - DONE
2.  Visit in nearby small town (1 appointment - genogram) - 10/28
3.  Visit in our small town (2 appointments - home visit & results of our personality tests) - TBD
4.  Visit in nearby big city (2 appointments - infertility counseling & new personality test results) - TBD

In the meantime, we're still creating our match letter and are SO excited to be on this journey!   We're trying very hard not to create expectations about timelines...we figure, if we don't create expectations, we can't be disappointed.  :)  Plus, this line of thinking helps us all the more to remember it's God's timing and not our own that will guide this process.

If you would like, we'd like to invite each of you to be praying for our birthparents and child.  It's amazing, as I've begun praying this way, the things that God is choosing to reveal...  For example, earlier on in the infertility journey, I have a very dear friend that would remind me, often when a new cycle would start - "God knows the EXACT sperm and egg that will meet to create your child."  And she's right - just because it's not my egg and Ben's sperm - this is still our child!!!!  And we are praying for him or her, and for the parents that will courageously choose to place them into our arms.

Much love,
Jenny

We're Adopting!!!

Okay - so it's been quite the journey already - to get to this point where we can actually utter these words!!!  We know that, for some time, our language has been more like "we are pretty sure," or "we think this is the direction we're going, but we don't know for sure," or some other variant.  But, before we left for Scotland, we submitted our completed paperwork application because we felt confirmation from the Lord that this in fact our path.  God's story in our lives is something we never could have predicted or dreamed up.  When we got married over four years ago, we had no idea this is where we would go.  And now, we're so thrilled to have begun praying for our adoptive child, and also for the birthmother and family.

While we were gone, the agency started reviewing our file, and even sent our references their forms.  We expect a call early next week to start scheduling our home study - but as we have to remind ourselves - nothing about this journey is really predictable or controllable.  Soon, I hope to write about some of the things we learned about in our classes - adoption language, open adoption, adoption not being "plan B", the fact that adoption does NOT replace the pain of infertility, etc...  We are so happy that you are choosing to walk this journey with us by reading along!

In the meantime, our task is to start our match letter.  This is the letter that will go on the agency's website and into books in pregnancy centers throughout the state.  WOW!  We're moving forward!!!

We're adopting!!!!  (gotta get used to saying that - we're SO excited!)

Vacation!!!

We've created a special blog for our vacation (we cross our fingers we'll be able to update it regularly)!  You can find it here.

The Journey

So - updates!!!

We have lots to talk about...  First, we are moving forward on the adoption journey!!!  The first part is completing the paperwork, which we are doing in faith as we continue to search our hearts for any closed doors from the Lord.  The agency we are working with is 100% all about open adoption - which for us, is one of the pieces we hesitate about, but certainly doesn't deter us from pursuing this.  If you want to know more about open adoption, I'd be happy to share all we've learned!  (If I shared everything we experienced in our classes here, it would be WAY too long)  All in all, we feel very excited about this journey and the story that God is weaving.  That's not to say that the infertility journey is "solved" or that we aren't still grieving our inability to have biological children right now (this is seriously a whole nother post on its own - maybe I'll get there soon).  But God is helping our hearts move forward in anticipation of His Great Plan.

Second, we leave in ONE WEEK for our vacation to SCOTLAND!!!!  We are so excited to have this getaway.  It will be time to be together, to focus on us, to be away from work, and see more of God's beautiful creation that we've never experienced.

So,in the meantime, we have indeed been working diligently to complete our paperwork package for the adoption agency before we leave, and we're pretty much done!!!  After fingerprints, 180 question personality tests (taken twice each!), physicals, about a billion pages of things to read and sign, a 26 page Word form of narrative questions, completing a budget, getting photocopies of birth and marriage certificates, and tax forms, it's completed!  I still have to work on getting certified copies of our birth/marriage certificates (needed for the formal certification request), and starting to dream about writing a match letter, but this first piece is just about ready for Fed-Exing, along with our first home study/certification fee check. 

So - the next steps, you say??  Well, they're honestly a bit fuzzy to me, but I'll outline it the best I can.  Once our package is received and given a once-over by the adoption supervisor, our case worker will schedule 4 visits with us: one is a home visit at our house, which will be coupled with one of our 1:1 meetings with her (since she has to travel two hours to come here).  Then, another 1:1 meeting, and one additional meeting that I don't know the purpose of or location for (I just can't remember - it was May that we talked about this).  Then, the last pre-placement step is getting our match letter (this is the initial tool that prospective birth mothers/families use to choose the family they want to place with) on their website and in the books around Arizona at pregnancy centers.  Writing and putting that together seems really intimidating, so I'm glad we have some time.  Finally, once the letter is out there, we have to expect placement (and placement payment - the biggest chunk of the fees) ANYTIME, but the average is about 3 months-1 year.

Phew.  That's a lot!