Motherhood

I have been having a hard time composing this post because it's so difficult to describe all the things I've felt since becoming a mother!!!  It's absolutely the whirlwind everyone describes, compounded by the fact that we had two weeks to prepare for our little one's arrival, instead of the normal 9 months.

Every moment does fly by.  There is more truth in this statement that I ever could have imagined.  I recently looked back at some of Nora's brand new pictures - and cannot hardly remember her being THAT tiny and frail.

Nora, at just 5 days old

I tear up, actually, to think that this stage of her life feels so far away.  That the days of her resting on my chest, with no wiggles or anywhere to go, are long gone...  That the days of her snoozing on me, with me, also appear to be over.  That her preemie and newborn clothes are packed away, and her 0-3 months will be soon as well.  I do not, however, miss feeding her every two hours in the middle of the night.  Let's be clear on that :).

I tear up when I think about how much she's developed.  That she now has a personality, smiling and talking all the time, especially with mom and dad.  That she gives me a great big smile every time she sees it's me getting her up in the morning or after naptimes.  That she's a happy little girl who loves to wiggle and move and not so much snuggle anymore.

Little Miss up on her arms during tummy time for the first time!

Today, Nora rolled over for the first time (from her tummy to her back)!!!!!!!!  It was such an incredible moment, to watch her do this amazing thing that her tiny little body just learned how to do.  That God designed her to grow in ways that will allow her to reach all these milestones.  It was also terrifying, to know that she is now moving.  Like, REALLY moving.  So not only does this mean that my infant is becoming a little girl (way hard on Mommy right now), but it also means that we're entering a new stage with her and are now parents who have to closely watch her!  

Motherhood is a whirlwind.  TRUTH.  There is SO MUCH JOY in watching your child grow that I can't even begin to express in words.  I think, too, alongside everything else, there is something more, as there always will be in the world of adoption.  I feared for so long that there would be moments that my child wouldn't feel 100% like my child, having not carried her for 9 months, not nursing her, knowing her in the incredibly intimate way most mothers will know their children.  And though there have been fleeting moments like that along the way...Nora is my daughter.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt, she knows me as Mommy and I love her more than I ever imagined.  Sometimes I wonder if loving a biological child is the same - and I suppose I may never know that.  But I love Nora and there is no disconnect between her and me.  It's just not there.

There's so much more I want to say about motherhood, but since I've gone on long enough already...stay tuned.  :)

Mommy and Nora

Thanksgiving

For the last couple weeks, I kept seeing people's 30 days of thanks status updates pop up on Facebook.  I decided (you know, in my infinitesimal wisdom) that it had become "trendy" and that I don't generally "do" trendy.  And then the ridiculousness of that thought occurred to me.  Really?  Who am I?  I kind of wanted to throw up a little bit just admitting that.  People are finding something everyday to be thankful for!  And what am I doing?  I am being high and mighty, and in the meantime, setting aside no time or energy to be thankful.  Ridiculous, yes?

I follow a blog here, and she has a post today about being appreciative, and I couldn't help but share these words written by the eloquent author:

As much I like to say I am striving to grasp what really matters, I need reminders. Reminders that take my breath away … reminders that drop me to my knees and shake me from my selfish, materialistic fog … reminders that send me running to my children’s bedrooms to cry silent tears while listening to their beat of their hearts.

Truth be told, I need reminders to see the gifts of my life in the mundane … to be thankful for the ordinary events of my day—that if I actually stop to think about them—are really quite miraculous.

I need reminders that motivate me to be in a perpetual state of gratitude, not just on Thanksgiving Day.

So, on this Thanksgiving Eve, here are a few things I am truly Thankful for, that I needed a harsh reminder to get me out of my own "fog" to meditate on:

• For Jesus.  This is not a cliche.  He is my SAVIOR.  My life would be so radically different - and not in a good way - if He hadn't called me to himself that incredible moment 11 years ago.
• For my husband.  God gave me an incredible gift in this man who is everything God knew I needed in this life.  
• For my sweet, sweet Nora.  My amazing daughter who teaches me everyday how to love in new ways, who teaches me to marvel at God's designs and creations as she changes in a million ways every minute of every day.  For the woman who made the choice to bring her into this world and bless our family with the biggest gift we've ever received.
• For a home, a job, and all the materialistic things that God has given me for today.  A friend recently told me (when I selfishly chattered on about how we paid for our adoption, and then immediately needed a new car, and then our dryer started making terrible noises) about how we live in a broken world.  So, why are we surprised when things break?  It doesn't matter, because we have all we need.
• For friends who are like family and know me deeply and intimately, and family who possesses my identity and history in ways no one else can.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Three Months

Okay, at some point I swear I'll get my act together and start writing something other than Nora's monthly updates (you know, like about this crazy thing called motherhood that is just simply more amazing that I ever thought it would be)...  But for now....

Our baby girl is THREE MONTHS OLD!!!

We also survived our first Halloween, fit with pumpkin carving and handing out candy!!

I mean, seriously.  Can you get enough of that face?!!!