ONE YEAR OLD!

Okay, for real.  I can't believe this time has come and gone.  Is Nora really a year old??  Has it really been just over twelve months since we got the phone call that would change our lives in incredible ways??  It's just plain surreal...

Eleven Months!

So sorry I disappeared!!  I had really wanted to write something super eloquent about Mother's Day from the "infertile" perspective but struggled A LOT with that.  So then I just kind of gave up writing altogether...

Here's the chalkboard pic from Nora's 11 months, which was quite a while ago!

Double Digits

Well, as you can see...she's TEN months old!  And a whole new little lady at that.  She's crawling EVERYWHERE and has become quite the little troublemaker!  She can be quite clumsy so we've also entered a new stage of head bonks and other owies too.  She is babbling consonant sounds all the time, says "bye" a lot, and is developing the most incredible problem solving and other mental abilities.  It's hard to believe we're so close to the end of her first year...

NINE months! (really??!!)

My precious baby is NINE months old (well, closer to 10 than 9 now that I waited so long to post this)!!  I cannot believe it.

She's becoming less baby and more toddler everyday and I'm in such awe of how she learns new things everyday.  I'm also in denial about how fast time is moving and that I'll be throwing her 1st birthday party much sooner than I can handle. :)

Whoah...

Um, when does time disappear?  Surely that can't really happen...  But here I am two months late in posting Nora updates!!!  7 months was a WHILE ago!

I Will Always Come

So - I've realized in life that I continually struggle with chasms between expectations and reality.  It's a gigantic weakness of mine.  For example - I will sit down with my weekly calendar, writing down all possible expected events and things to get done.  Then I will stare at it and get really (REALLY) worried about how little time there is to do it all.  Then, that week happens and I realize that we totally have time to have friends over for dinner.  And I totally have time to get a couple random projects done (that weren't on the list).  And certainly, I can make it to the Y for a workout.  And, of course I have time for a walk or playdate with a friend.  Yes, I can make my 19 hours of work WORK for our family.

AND REPEAT.  Sincerely.  This happens EVERY week.  I have never learned to remember that there's approximately 16 waking hours in a day and YES we really do have time to have a life.  And to plan in fun adventures instead of scrambling to make them happen when we realize we do have time.

So, another example is how I desperately want to create traditions and rituals for Nora.  Even though growing up, there were a few things that I knew would happen on certain days or for certain reasons (apricot coffee cake with Christmas breakfast, for example) - there weren't little celebrations of life or Jesus or family.  I crave for Nora to experience these things.  I long for her to grow up knowing that every night at bedtime, we share a special ritual, or that mom & dad always make Sunday breakfast together with music blasting in the kitchen.  Whatever these things are, I want to dream up each and every one and be prepared and not let a single opportunity pass by.  I want to be creative.  I want to be persistent.  And I want to be PRESENT.  Now, go back to aforementioned example.  Sound like those things fit together??  Not really.  :)

Anyway, all this rambling to get to my point.  I got to read this fantastic blog posted by a friend of mine on Facebook a while back: http://lisajobaker.com/2012/09/a-mothers-promise/.  I cried and cried and can't imagine what the rest of Nora's life will look like, but I would love to remember all the special moments and create all the special rituals possible!  I hope to someday be able to write something like this myself.  To stop worrying about every stage that's already gone.  To stop lamenting that my not-so-little baby hates to snuggle or cuddle right now.  And to finally stop worrying about all the things to come and just BE and have my daughter know that I will ALWAYS come.

Mommy Song

There's a song I just can't help but share - it makes me cry every time I listen and it's just so close to my heart right now!  JJ Heller is an incredible, folksy, Christian artist who is local to AZ and actually got her start in Young Life camps.  She and her husband are the most wonderful duo to see in concert, and it warms my heart to know how the Lord has blessed her with music!  Listen here.
*Update - When I hold Nora, play this song, and sing to her - she is magically still.  No wiggling.  Just listening.  It's the sweetest thing EVER.

When I'm With You

JJ Heller

When I hold you in my arms, Love
Something changes
It's the strangest feeling
The things that used to matter
They don't matter to me
When I see you
And you're smiling
How my heart aches
So full it is about to break
You make me believe in love

I could never count all the ways
That you change me, Baby
Every day the sky is a deeper shade of blue
When I'm with you

When I hear you, and you're crying
It resonates, Dear
In a place I didn't know was there
You make me believe in love

I could never count all the ways
That you change me, Baby
Every day the sky is a deeper shade of blue
When I'm with you

Beautiful baby
You're sweeter than strawberry pie
Just like the morning
Your smile brings the sunshine

I could never count all the ways
That you change me, Baby
Every day the sky is a deeper shade of blue
When I'm with you

I could never count all the ways
That you change me, Baby
Every day the sky is a deeper shade of blue
When I'm with you

Blog Schizophrenia

My apologies for the multiple personalities lately seen on the blog!  I am not blogger-savvy, so I have been struggling through trying to understand how to use the really cute ones I find on the internet!

Six Months

Six months!!  Can you believe it?!  It feels like Nora changes more and more every day.  She's rolling from her back to her tummy (and then gets stuck...and really mad).  She's sitting up ALL BY HERSELF!  She LOVES her feet (and eating her socks).  She's eating solids (so far, oatmeal, avocado, sweet potato, pears, butternut squash, and bananas)!!  She's transitioning to less naps and more cranky awake time.  She's babbling ALL the time.  She's reaching for everything in sight (resulting in a few tipped glasses of water).  And she's more adorable than ever!!!!!!!!

Stephen Probert Photography http://stephenprobert.com/

Worn

I heard this song for the first time on the radio last week.  I think it speaks to every Christian at times.  It certainly speaks to me, as I continue to struggle through finding a way to balance the demands of this life.  I sat down yesterday to make a list of all my "priorities" and just felt so dejected.  I am humbly asking the Lord to help me through this struggle, to make him Priority #1 at all times and let the rest fall into place.  But in the meantime, this is how I feel!  (listen here)

"Worn"

I’m tired I’m worn

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes

To keep on breathing

I’ve made mistakes

I’ve let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up

But I'm too weak

Life just won’t let up

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin

Yeah, I’m worn

Even before the day begins

Yeah, I’m worn

I’ve lost my will to fight

I’m worn

So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart

That’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn

Yeah I’m worn

However, I am at the same time encouraging myself (and hopefully you too!) with this:

"I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of."

John 10:10, The Message paraphrase

A New Year

If I'm honest - it's difficult to reflect on 2012.  It was such a big year.  One filled with so much change that it's hard to even remember January 6th, 2012, just one year ago.  Last January, we were being told that we had to complete extra steps to become approved to adopt.  My heart was broken and impatient about that.  We were celebrating one year in our new home.  And we continued to ache for a little baby to fill our arms, while trusting that God would provide.

Our approval came in February.  And waiting came in March.  Our anniversary came in May, and little did we know that it was the last that we'd spend as a family of two!  Our hearts were still impatient to meet the baby that God had chosen to be ours.  We started summer (the best time of year here), and then that moment came in July.

July 16th (Monday) - I had just called our caseworker to see if there was any news about our certification and if there was anything else we should be doing.  She left me a voicemail saying no updates, just be patient.  30 minutes later, my phone rang and it was a number I didn't recognize.  (for months, any number I didn't recognize made my heart leap - NOT awesome during an election year)  I answered and it was a pregnancy worker from our agency.  I asked if this was a phone call I needed to take notes on, and she said yes.  I almost fainted at my desk.  I went into a private room, and took down all the details about Nora and her birthmom, and their situation (she was due August 22nd).  Ben had been at the dentist when I got the call, so I had to wait for him to call me back to share the news.  He drove to my office and we sat in his car, crying and praying.  This was 3:00, people.  I worked until 5!  I was going CRAZY at my desk.

July 17th - we called the caseworker back and said YES!  We wanted to move forward with the match.

July 23rd (Monday) - we got a call that Nora's birthmom would be induced the following Monday.  ONE WEEK away.  Just two weeks from the first phone call.

July 30th (Monday) - we met Nora's birthmom and her mom at the hospital and spent several hours getting to know them.

July 31st - Nora was born at 10:31 PM, and we got to meet her about 20 minutes later.  The most incredible moments of my life.  Purely indescribable.  As much as I've already forgotten about Nora's early months - I will NEVER forget this night.

August 3rd (Friday) - We brought Nora home, not knowing if she'd forever be in our family or not (see post here).  She became ours 2 weeks later and life will never be the same!

Since then, life has been a whirlwind of motherhood and discovering all that it means.  I've already forgotten so much about her early months.  It's difficult to remember what my days looked like when she was 2 months, 3 months old.  I've gone back to work, and even though I get to spend MOST of my time with my daughter - it's very different.

Nora's 5 months old now.  She weighs 15 pounds!  She's about to start solid foods.  She's rolling over.  She is the same little girl from 7/31, and at the same time she's not.

2013 will be a very different year in our house and I can't wait for every minute of it!