5 Years

I realize I've fallen off the face of the blogosphere planet...  My apologies for that, you one or two readers who might still occasionally check to see if there's a new post.

Mostly, I've been really enjoying life.  I have been so blessed with a wonderful home, an amazing husband, an incredible part time job, and a most precious and awesome daughter...and life has been going a million miles a second.

There's been a lot of moments over the last year or so where I've been struck by a lot of things infertility-related.  I really meant to write a post about Mother's Day...and didn't.  I really meant to write a post about the holidays and infertility...and I didn't.  I really meant to write a few posts about infertility after receiving the blessing of a child...and didn't.

Mostly, if I'm honest, I often try to stuff the complexity of infertility deep down in my soul, where even God can't find it (yeah, right).  God gave me the child I so deeply desired for so long, so why should I want for more?  Well, who knows if I should or shouldn't, but I do.  I have a deep longing for another child to join our family (and not to have to undergo another intrusive, difficult, but beautiful adoption process for it to happen).  I desire for Nora to NOT be an only child.  I LONG to be pregnant.  I desire to get to parent another infant.  And I wish to have answers. 

But as of right now, none of these things are happening.  And it's February.  This is our FIVE YEAR anniversary since we started trying to have a baby.  Five years.  Really?!  Man - that is just the weirdest reality I think I've ever had to face. And let's be honest...maybe I'm not facing it at all.