Disappointment.

Sadness. Unbelievable pain. Fear. Utter heartbreak. Frustration. These are the feelings of another failed cycle. Ben and I will be continuing on this horrific journey. I think it's mostly hard to put into words what this really feels like. Yes, I can list off the words above, and though they are all so true and applicable, they just don't quite express my heart right now. I'm not sure if this is something one can understand without having been through it themselves. And while I don't wish this pain on anyone for any reason, I do feel like it might sometimes be nice to have someone near me (physically) who can understand or to relate.

I have been wanting to share a couple of resources I found at a wonderful Christian based infertility support forum. These are things that I thought might be useful to our loved ones who want to offer support. The first is simply a list of suggestions on how to help: http://sail.heritage-umc.org/html/helping_a_loved__one_with_infe.html.

This one is a poignant video. While we may not identify with everything, I felt that this video helps to reflect what our journey, our life is like while dealing with infertility: http://www.tearsandhope.com/.

I don't mean to be pushy with these things. It's just very difficult to express my heart about this journey. We don't often bring it up, because we know it's hard for others to understand and handle. We know that it's a depressing subject (believe me, we know). We never want to impose on others' good news with our difficulties, and I really feel that we actually do a great job of this. I think sometimes I'm scared that others ignore what we are going through because it's an uncomfortable situation, and events in others' lives do affect us in ways most can't imagine. But that doesn't mean we don't want to know, or that we can't celebrate with others. In fact, it's usually more painful to have others pretend like nothing is happening. Because it's natural to want to feel supported. But I think these resources explain most of this better than I can.

We are taking some time "off" so to speak so that we have time to investigate what doctors and resources we have here in town, and which places in the big city might be a good match for our needs. We do pray that something will work out, especially financially. We always covet and appreciate your prayers. Please let me know if you have any questions at all.

With Love,

Jenny