Brand New...

Hey! I'm Jenny. I am a brand new blogger. I've never attempted this before because I've never felt like I would have interesting things to say, at least, interesting enough for others to want to read! Sure, I got great grades in English, and I feel like I'm a competent writer. But interesting? I guess we'll find out.

However, my husband Ben and I are currently on a journey in our life that has brought me to my knees, tested my faith, strengthened (and tested) our marriage, and one which I often have trouble processing. I suppose I begin to wonder if writing it all down will help. I also wonder if knowing that there are others out there who support us through this journey by reading, posting, or whatever that support means, will aid in the process.

You see, it's tricky navigating this journey, and it's difficult to ask for support. We don't usually like to bring it up, because, let's be honest, it's a downer. But, it's really so much harder to pretend like nothing is happening at all. This journey breaks my heart, and I've experienced pain, longing, and questioning like I've never felt in my life until now. Not only that, the Enemy is hard at work to tear down our faith in a time of uncertainty and unanswered questions. It's very hard to articulate these things to others. And it's also very, very hard to admit that it IS this difficult, and to ask for support.

Right now, we are an awesome team of two. But...we have been trying for over 18 months now to become a family of three. The (what feels like) horrific word and label has now been applied - infertility. I cry even as I admit in in writing. We've been tested. We've read books. We've seen a specialist. We've had our intimate life intruded upon, things that are supposed to be private are now public. I commit time everyday to this journey with temperature taking, and many other things that are a constant reminder of where we are at.

But the Lord is GOOD. He has placed some great resources in my life thanks to the ever expanding Internet that encourage and inspire me. I am reminded that there are other believers out there in the same time of life, the same struggles. He is always good. Even if I feel life is unfair, that we've been dealt a deck of cards that just don't add up right now, He is still good. It is a ginormous struggle to really believe that each and every day. Every moment of life.

I won't share too much else now, as this post may be too long for blogger etiquette (I really don't know about all that yet...). I will share one thing below, brought to me by a Girlfriends in God email devotional that I feel is a pretty accurate summary of me right now. But if you're reading, please pray for Ben & me. For these deep, deep longings, and for the everyday (yes, every single day) struggle this journey has brought. And stay tuned, as I'll be back to keep up this new adventure. Thanks for being here with me.

Based on the Scripture: Psalm 59:16 (NIV) "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble."

"Are you facing a circumstance that is much too big for you to handle? The deafening waves of doubt may be crashing around you, drowning out the promises of God. The unknown stretches before you and all you can see are the mistakes you have made and the opportunities you have missed. Fear has brought you to your knees and you are more desperate than you have ever been in your life. The questions far outnumber the answers. You cry alone in a darkness that is unlike any you have ever faced. You long to be understood and crave a love that accepts you just as you are in the midst of your fear and doubt.

I have great news for you, girlfriend! God sees you. He has not been caught off guard by the circumstances you face and where you are is no surprise to Him. In fact, God will take what the enemy means for evil and use it as the perfect setting for a miracle. You don't have to understand God to trust Him. Restoration and peace are His specialty. He will be your refuge and your strength. Right now, quietly turn to Him. He is waiting."